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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24511936">Providing Light</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisIsMyBecoming/pseuds/ThisIsMyBecoming'>ThisIsMyBecoming</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hannibal (TV), The Path (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cults, Drug Use, Emotional Manipulation, Fluff, Hallucinations, Hannibal Lecter Loves Will Graham, M/M, Manipulation, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Psychological Trauma, Religious Cults, Someone Help Will Graham, indoctrination</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:20:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,877</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24511936</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisIsMyBecoming/pseuds/ThisIsMyBecoming</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Will Graham and Cal Roberts are identical twins. Identical twins raised in the Meyerist movement after being abandoned by their father. Devout and inspirational followers that rose up the rungs of The Ladder, they seem perfect in every sense, and lead the movement and it's followers with pride. But Will is having some doubts and anxieties about the future of the movement because of secrets he and his brother keep. He seeks help from the outside, without his brother knowing. He meets Dr. Hannibal Lecter. A psychiatrist he believes will help him find his way when the light seems so dim.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Will Graham &amp; Cal Roberts, Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>61</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>There are spoilers for The Path. This story is technically placed before the series starts and some events are shifted around to make this story work. Cal is back from the west coast, Steve has been sick in Peru a lot longer, this is before/during Eddie's trip to Peru so that plotline doesn't mingle with this one.<br/>**Nothing will be directly written about the abuse discussed in this story but heavy subjects are covered throughout this. Be wary if you're distressed by the tagged themes and topics.**</p><p>Edit 01/08/21: I deleted all 9 old chapters and I'm now posting the reworked version. I did end up rewatching parts of The Path for clarification's sake but also I had ideas that couldn't manifest well in the old version. I'm sorry I did that, I really just didn't like how I wrote it before.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"One man's cult is another man's religion" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><hr/><p> </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>“Will Graham?” Hannibal asked, standing in the doorway to his waiting room. A young man stood. He was somewhere in his late 30s, lean, pale, dark curly hair, and glasses gently perched on his nose. He had a jacket on. Despite it not being that cold out. He had it partially buttoned up, but Hannibal could still see part of the eye emblem on his shirt. He was curious to see if he’d display his faith in any way or hide it. Similar to Christians or Catholics wearing crosses to display their faith.</p><p>They had spoken at lengths over email. They were finally able to arrange this appointment. At a time, best fitting both busy schedules. Will looked tense. He glanced over to the other door briefly, nervously, before walking to Hannibal.</p><p>“Hello, Doctor Lecter. It’s nice to finally meet you,” Will smiled, but it was tense. Like the muscles weren’t used to the action and were stiff from the lack of use. Hannibal smiled warmly.</p><p>“Yes, likewise, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Please, come in.” He stepped aside. There was a moment of hesitation, but Will walked in and Hannibal’s gaze followed.</p><p>He shut the door and walked back to his own chair. He sat down and relaxed against the back. There was a slight tremble to Will’s hands and a clear attempt to hide it with fidgeting. He was looking around the room before he realized Hannibal had sat down. He moved to the chair across from him and sat as well. He sat forward, hands still fidgeting a bit placed in his lap. Hannibal came to notice he was avoiding his eyes.</p><p>“So where are we supposed to begin?” Will asked, “I’ve done plenty of research. I’ve taken psychology courses, but I’ve never been through therapy.”</p><p>“I thought you said you were raised on the compound. That you went through their education.”</p><p>“I’m not confined to the compound. I was able to leave and do what I wanted,” Will bristled. Hannibal crossed one leg over the other and neatly folded his hands together that was placed in his lap.</p><p>“I apologize. I didn’t mean to imply anything of that nature. From what I gathered you chose to stay isolated and that they provided education for you. That, for the most part, you don’t believe in psychology and outside education.”</p><p>Will sighed softly. Hannibal pondered the idea of him getting frustrated enough to just walk out. He could easily push buttons until Will did so. The sore spots and walls built around him were obvious. But where would the fun be if he chased him out now?</p><p>“Would you like to discuss your religion? We could start there. I did some research, but online sources would, of course, wouldn’t be as faithful as someone actively a part of it.”</p><p>Will’s brow furrowed and he leaned back in the chair. He looked toward the window then back to the floor in front of Hannibal.</p><p>“We’re not exactly a religion. We’re a movement.”</p><p>“I apologize. I’ll keep that in mind.”</p><p>“It’s okay, I know it’s confusing.” Will shook his head, “We’re mistaken as a religion a lot, but we’re not considered one and we don’t call ourselves one. Steve always made sure we didn’t call ourselves one.”</p><p>Hannibal slowly nodded, “Not fond of eye contact?”</p><p>“Eyes are distracting.”</p><p>“You’re also quite nervous.”</p><p>“I’m not entirely sure where to start. I’m still not sure why I’m here,” Will bypassed his observations smoothly. Which encouraged a small smile to grow on Hannibal’s lips.</p><p>“You told me, in our emails, you felt you needed to talk to someone outside of your movement. Other psychiatrists thought you felt stuck, but you just seek counsel.”</p><p>“They think we’re a cult. They kept calling Meyerism a cult. We’re not,” he stopped and sharply inhaled. He met Hannibal’s eyes for just a moment, and he caught sight of the stormy blue orbs. Weighted with emotions but still soft. Damaged goods but he wasn’t ruined.</p><p>“I have faith in the light. I believe in what we are doing. But I’m worried for Cal... my brother, he is under a lot of stress now that he’s been put in charge.”</p><p>“And you cannot talk to him or others about it because they turn you away to focus on faith. They won’t discuss it.”</p><p>“Sort of... part of the whole movement is honesty. We call it unburdening, it keeps pain and darkness from building up in us. That darkness that can lead us down paths that will forever keep us from the Light. Cal and I… because of our positions, have the knowledge we are unable to unburden around others.”</p><p>“It’s understandable then why you’d seek someone who won’t worry about what you seek to unburden. Someone not close to the movement so I won’t have an adverse reaction to whatever it is that is weighing on you and your brother.”</p><p>“Yes...”</p><p>Their discussion was a timid one. It allowed Hannibal to find the boundaries he could test and press later. Will was so fascinating. Hannibal could almost say astounding. A shame he was caught up in this ‘movement’ instead of in some other field of work Hannibal thought he’d fit much better. Especially law enforcement or psychology. He was so empathetic, genuinely cared for others, and he was desperate to help anyone in need.</p><p>On the other hand, that empathy was a doubled-edged sword. Something so dark and gruesome may mar his psyche beyond recognition.</p><p>Hannibal walked him to the door and before Will left, he spoke.</p><p>“Thank you. I didn’t think I was going to find anyone. Especially an ignorant who would,” he stopped, “I’m sorry. I didn’t think an <em>outsider</em> would be able to listen to me without criticizing me.”</p><p>Hannibal simply smiled. He’d met a few Meyerists before. Never met one who would apologize for using the label their movement deemed him to fit.</p><p>“It’s my job to listen and help you, not to control your beliefs. Unless you are a danger to others or yourself, I have no right to try to change you. Just help you understand yourself and your views.”</p><p>Will gave a halfhearted smile and nodded a goodbye. He left without a tremble in his hands.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Life at the compound was a busy little life. Will was up early with all the others. He was ready for their regular morning gathering to be led by Cal. He sat toward the front. Idle chatter filtered in the chapel while they waited. Will smiled and talked with his fellow Meyerists. Most conversations did stay around Meyerism. Rungs, trials, tests, charity work, new members, and similar topics. There wasn’t much else to talk about when something like that ran every part of your life and surrounded you daily. Not all of them lived on the compound but a portion did stay solely there, like Will. He knew some of them for most of his life. He wasn’t the only one raised in Meyerism. If he wasn’t raised with them, he likely knew them from helping them climb the rungs. He was a mentor to many lower rungs and led them in gatherings or workshops. They were all pretty much family. He was comfortable enough to converse and smile.</p><p> </p><p>They hushed up when Cal came in. He smiled and greeted them. Happy murmurs and declarations of ‘good morning’ and ‘hello’ reverberated back to him. He smiled big. He was good at big friendly smiles. Turn the charm on and keep everyone’s attention.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m glad to see you all here this morning. It is such an honor to be here and to lead you today in our journey to climb the ladder.” He said, “I think you will all be glad to hear I’ve been in contact with Steve. He sends you all good wishes and hopes you can forgive him for being away for so long. But he is hard at work translating the last three rungs for us. So, we can ascend with him and we can all be together in The Garden.”</p><p> </p><p>Cheers and applause rippled in the group. Will smiled and clapped with him. His brother didn’t meet his eye as he said any of it. They both knew exactly where Doctor Meyer was.</p><p> </p><p>“If we could spend just a moment to send him our good wishes and prayers. May he work swiftly so he can return the good word to us.” He continued. In unison, the group lowered their heads and closed their eyes. Cal and a few of the others raised their hands open and facing out. Will kept his hands in his lap and closed his eyes. He prayed silently with them. Maybe Steve could come back soon. Maybe he could actually deliver those last rungs to them. Will didn’t believe it would happen.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” Cal queued everyone to open their eyes and lower their hands.</p><p> </p><p>“Honesty and Gratitude are important pillars of our movement. We express daily what we are grateful for. Honesty is a daily piece of our lives and holds our community together. It is what makes us a family.”</p><p> </p><p>Will smiled with many others. Yet it did feel a bit pointed that the day’s topic was honesty.</p><p> </p><p>“The outside world isn’t so fortunate. They are taught that it’s every man for himself. They are liars and thieves. The systemite's greed is just part of their downfall and something else we have learned to overcome. Our egos and petty grievances of the world around us weigh us down and lead us to find harmful ways to release the pain of the systemite world that builds in us. But Steve was able to show us and teach us that honesty through unburdening and practicing gratitude could pull us from that pain.”</p><p> </p><p>The group again cheered and murmured praises. Will nodded along with his brother. These words were things he had heard before. From Cal, from Steve, and himself. Repeated doctrines and words of encouragement or inspiration.</p><p> </p><p>“Yet we may champion these values we hold we cannot be so proud that we are cruel to outsiders. We may be wary and not let them try to change our path, but we can show them how wonderful it is to be a part of our movement. We can show them just how wonderful the Light is. We strive to be beacons of hope, opportunity, and safety for the less fortunate and unenlightened of humankind. Let us stay strong for the weak. Let us be a beacon for the undirected. In times of struggle, we are one. In times of strife, we are strong. In a time of change we remain. If darkness falls, we are light.”</p><p> </p><p>The last part echoed back to him, “If darkness falls, we are light.”</p><p> </p><p>Cal smiled and repeated, “If darkness falls, we are light.”</p><p> </p><p>Again, “If darkness falls, we are light.”</p><p> </p><p>Will repeated with them until Cal moved along. He watched his brother with a smile. They were doing good work, being true to their purpose. Will’s worry was gnawing at his faith when he was alone or going over plans for the future with Cal. But in times like these, when everything was going well, how could he doubt himself and his faith? The bond they had is what made him feel needed, safe, and loved. At that moment Doctor Lecter was just a safe person to unburden too. Maybe, with time, Will could even show him the path to enlightenment. Something had clicked right away, he could see him there, a close friend and trusted person to unburden with. It would just help immensely if he were part of the Meyerist movement.</p><p> </p><p>The more he thought about his psychiatrist the more that gnawing feeling built up. Cal knew nothing but just after Will started sneaking around Cal lead one of their gatherings on honesty and gratitude. <em>Aren’t you grateful for the family you have? Why would you be so dishonest? Systemites lie. Systemites hide things and hurt those they claim they love. Are you like them? </em></p><p> </p><p>He had to close his eyes and clear his head. His anxiety certainly got the best of him for a moment. He let those, admittedly, irrational thoughts. They felt irrational. There was no need to jump to such conclusions when he wasn’t really doing anything wrong. He could talk to Hannibal and tell Cal. There was no rule to avoid outsiders and never speak with them. How else would they get new members?</p><p> </p><p>He was allowed to talk to Hannibal. Part of him just knew Cal would be angry anyway.</p><p> </p><p>He opened his eyes when Cal finished talking and everyone started to depart from the Chapel. He got up and waited for most everyone to depart before he strolled to the side where his brother spoke with someone. He waited until Cal noticed and he wrapped up his conversation. He smiled at Will and Will returned it with less keenness.  </p><p> </p><p>“Everything alright?” Cal asked.</p><p> </p><p>“Just tired is all. Nothing new. How are you holding up after our call this morning?” Will murmured. He was met with hesitance until the last few people left the chapel. The smile dropped from his face.</p><p> </p><p>“I would have preferred better news.”</p><p> </p><p>“An ironic topic to discuss today, of all days.”</p><p> </p><p>Cal’s eyes narrowed a bit, “We were asked by Steve to keep this quiet. No, it’s not good. But as upper rungs, as people Steve trusts to run the movement until his return, we must honor what he asks even if it’s not what we would like to do.”</p><p> </p><p>Will folded his arms and sighed, “I’m sorry. I just found the topic uncomfortable when we have so much to lie about.”</p><p> </p><p>“I would like to be honest too. But this is Steve we’re talking about.”</p><p> </p><p>“Will you be going down to visit him again soon?”</p><p> </p><p>“Not very soon. But I plan to visit again of course…” he paused, “Are you asking to come?”</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Will shook his head, “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to go down within the next few weeks or not. Just so I am a least a little prepared to take over gatherings while you’re gone.”</p><p> </p><p>“You do just fine with them, Will. No need to be so anxious,” he smiled.</p><p> </p><p>“Anyways,” Will smiled back, “It was a good talk today. Like always. Everyone seemed moved and touched.”</p><p> </p><p>“If they’re not I’m obviously not doing it right.” He laughed a little. The brothers went ahead and made their way out after the others.</p><p> </p><p>They went their separate ways for the day. Cal had some business matters to work out and Will was to spend time on the compound. He had a few workshops with lower rungs. He preferred workshops over administration duty. Workshops were similar routines over and over. People may ask different questions or ask for personal guidance, but he enjoyed teaching and guiding them.</p><p> </p><p>He passed through administration to get the EM Machines he needed and to meet up with his group. Another small one of just four people. It was much simpler with less of them. Fewer faces to read. Easier to guide. Nicole, a longtime member, and close friend was chatting with them and handed over a shirt to one.</p><p> </p><p>She smiled at Will when he walked over to them, “Good morning, Will.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good morning,” Will responded, half-smiling back.</p><p> </p><p>“This is your group today, right? They are all ready to go. Fees paid.” she asked. He nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Nicole.” He gestured for the group to follow him out. The Meyerist compound was quite large with plenty of open space to distance from the bustle of others and allow for the peace they needed for their workshop.</p><p> </p><p>“My name is Will, as you heard,” he introduced himself as they walked, “I’ve met one of you before. Nice to meet you all. Yes, before you ask, Cal is my twin brother. We were both raised with the Movement. I am on the ninth rung of the ladder. I’m very excited to have you here today.”</p><p> </p><p>He took them to a nice patch of grass under the shade of a hefty oak. They sat in a semi-circle, facing Will. He put the basket of EM machines in the middle of them. One of the three young ladies of this little group did not look thrilled at the sight of the machines. He noticed the unease in her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“These are our EM machines. You may have seen them before. We use them quite often. In and out of workshops. It’s electro stimulation. It’s good for the mind and your immune system.” His smile was gentle and warm. That unease didn’t waver right away. He didn’t read the same apprehension in the others, but he figured showing them may help any kind of nerves they may feel. He pulled one out and unwrapped its wires. They followed suit.</p><p> </p><p>He showed them how to set it up and placed the electrodes on the top of his head, forehead, just below his neck, and on their stomach. He made sure the others placed theirs properly. “Before the Light of Truth was revealed to Steve everyone was doomed to suffer the burden that comes with systemite lives. To bear the burdens and pain of their dark world. But with the Light’s guidance, we can save ourselves and cleanse ourselves.” He turned on the machine, it made a soft humming sound and the first lights across the top and on the diagram of the person on the over lit up. He nodded for them to do the same.</p><p> </p><p>“We must find part of who we were before the damage of that life came. We must find it and bring it forth. The light will see your pain, your damage, and it will help heal you.” He continued, “Let yourself know… ‘today I choose to live in the light’.”</p><p> </p><p>“Today I choose to live in the light,” they repeated. Even the nervous girl. She still looked a bit rattled.</p><p> </p><p>“Take time to find this piece of yourself. Take time to allow your spirit to heal. Today you have chosen to live in the light and the light will help you. We live in Truth and Light and our honesty, devotion, and love for our community bring us happiness. It brings us peace. It wipes away transgressions of our pasts. We are no longer the damaged ones.”</p><p> </p><p>He watched them closely once they closed their eyes to really enforce the practice. Will could tell the three were finding their way. They looked content and already finding the peace Will spoke of. He could also see the one young woman may need some reassurance. Not everyone was quite ready to jump headfirst. That was alright. He was similar and personal coaching helped him in the earlier days. Now he was 9R and helping new people. Everyone had a chance.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Will looked around the office as he slowly paced behind his seat. Hannibal was writing notes while he waited for Will to answer him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sure people think of us as a cult because we don’t openly engage with the media or like traditional religions.” Will stopped, “We don’t just let anyone waltz in and join. We have workshops, classes, and time for that. To show dedication. Because you have to truly be dedicated to the cause to be a part of the movement. You cannot just passively believe.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The exclusivity is something one may find appealing or unsettling. It inspires a person’s innate curiosity. I think you’re quite right in thinking it plays a role in the public perception of your movement.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Will sat down again and watched the doctor across from him. These sessions were going well enough. Better than he had originally anticipated. Will had a hard-enough time opening up. Even with unburdening and the forced honesty of Meyerism. He felt suppressed, trapped, and very alone sometimes. Compared to the genuine conversations he could hold with Doctor Lecter. He could be honest about everything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’ve told me why you don’t often engage with outsiders. Now, what if someone leaves. We haven’t gone over that. How you treat former members may also contribute to the outside world’s view of you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Will hesitated, inhaling shortly, “we typically call them Deniers.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“They’ve seen the light and denied it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Will nodded, “we actually have them sign paperwork, it goes into our systems. They are forever disconnected from our movement. We aren’t supposed to talk with them once they leave…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you allowed to speak with them?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Technically, you could.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Could.” Hannibal repeated. His eyes trailing over Will’s features, “But why would you when expected to shun a Denier.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Will shrugged, “They could… distort others. Take others with them.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The idea of leaving could spread.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Leaving is their choice and theirs alone. They shouldn’t drag others with them. Pull them into something they regret.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“These Deniers can never return, right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s why we have them sign paperwork. It goes into the system. Every Meyerist center knows.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maybe that idea is frightening for someone who may just be questioning themselves.” Hannibal picked up his pen and wrote down some notes, “What if they do not deny your light, but question it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Anyone can come to us if they’re unsure. We could help them. Spending time with them, pray with them, or realignment.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His eyes drifted back up to his patient, “realignment?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How long is decided by Richard usually. We have a place to stay. You unburden and meditate. A spiritual exploration of sorts… it’s worked on everyone I’ve seen go in. They come back out faithful.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was the lightest hint of fear that wavered in his tone for just a moment. Hannibal’s eyes returned to the paper to scribble a few more notes and let those last words hang in the air for several seconds. He could tell it’d make Will squirm. After his note, he neatly folded his hands again and placed them in lap.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Have you ever gone through this realignment? Or been present for someone’s realignment.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Will swallowed, “I’ve never needed realignment,” his tone sharpened, “What’s the point of this series of questions? It feels more like you’re pointing out why you’d call us a cult. We’re not a cult. We’re different and that’s why they are unsure of us. If anything, traditional religion is a bunch of cults. We treat our members as family. They are family. Everyone is there because they believe in the same cause. They can leave if they want but we have a right to say we don’t want to talk to them. We don’t encourage hate or harm like systemite religion. Like society. We accept everyone who comes to our door.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I am simply asking to understand further, Will. I do not want to affect your faith or place in your movement. I do believe understanding Meyerism deeper will help me understand how to approach your therapy. I apologize, I meant nothing in offense.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Will backed down a bit but didn’t apologize. Hannibal smiled and proceeded to write yet another note. Will watched his hand while he wrote it. It was almost as bad as Richard recording unburdening sessions, Will thought. Though, he could be writing anything. That doesn’t mean he’s documenting everything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Doctor Lecter, I don’t know if it’s inappropriate but if you want to understand Meyerism more I think firsthand experience is better than talking to me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not sure what you’re suggesting, Will.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You could come visit the compound. Before possibles do workshops or start their rung classes they come visit sometimes. You could come see our morning gatherings or spend a day there to see what it’s like. Some workshops you’d be able to see firsthand or you could talk to people.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“From what we’ve discussed your movement isn’t fond of the study of psychology and I may be seen as a threat if I was wandering around your compound. There to dismantle and convert your family into the beliefs of the systemite world.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, no, we won’t tell them you’re my psychiatrist. Just a possible. Someone I met on the street. You were curious about our movement and I invited you along to see a gathering before you invested in any classes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hannibal had to keep himself from smiling, “isn’t honesty something important to your movement, Will?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I already hide stuff from half of them. This won’t be an issue,” his voice was still a bit sharp. Hannibal smiled at that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What day and time would you like me to meet you at the compound?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Any morning, really. The gatherings are at eight. We’re up early and we do gatherings every morning.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hannibal got up and went to his desk, “Let me see what days are open on my calendar.” He went through and looked at appointments he had coming up and days he was free.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This upcoming Saturday is free for me. So, I could spend the morning or day with you at the compound.” He said after he skimmed the days.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Whichever you’d prefer.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll be there around seven-thirty. Maybe you could introduce me to a few people. If possible. Then I can attend your gathering and maybe spend the rest of the day observing with you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll make sure I have an open schedule too. Just workshops.” Will said, “Unfortunately, it’s not that easy to completely clear my day.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hannibal nodded, “Saturday. Seven-thirty. Please text or email me the address of your compound.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I will after our session.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hannibal came around his desk again and sat on the edge, “Now that we have that settled. I’d like to continue discussing realignment. You seemed uncomfortable when I asked. You said you had never gone through it. Have you seen others experience it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, I’ve taken part in helping members realign when need be.” Will’s voice turned quite dismal, “It can be uncomfortable to witness.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I would say you seem more frightened than uncomfortable.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I would never want to be the one in realignment, let’s just say that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don’t hurt anyone, do you, Will?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh god, no.” he bristled, “No, no, we don’t hurt anyone. Realignment isn’t forced. It’s a choice. I said it’s a spiritual process. Meditation and working through whatever darkness may be holding you back.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That is all vague and doesn’t tell me the process you go through. Tell me more about it.” Hannibal’s voice remained steady and non-prosecuting. Will still clearly found trust in him difficult but was trying his best.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You stay in a small room, it’s bare. There’s a bed, toilet, sink, small table with two stools. White walls and floors, only the Meyerism eye on the wall. Food is brought to you and smoothies. Mostly smoothies. It’s a detox mix and it helps clear the mind and it is good for the body. You sit in there with an EM Machine and you talk with Richard about your transgressions or what is holding you back on your ascent to the ladder. Sometimes you’ll talk to others. I’ve sat in with people through realignment for a little while. So has Cal or other Higher Rungs but Richard does the bulk of the work.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That sounds isolating. Is it that idea of isolation you fear?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I would rather sit through a hundred unburdening sessions with Richard than sit in that room for a week or more.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What is the longest time you’ve seen someone confined to a lockdown?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Three weeks. Though that is not often. It’s usually only a few days to a week. It really depends on the transgression and what Richard think’s is best for the person in need.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hannibal observed Will close for several seconds, he could read a number of feelings he was experiencing. This cult had really dug their talons in if he could be so loyal and so scared in the same breath. He moved back to his seat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Let’s go back a bit. Tell me more about when you joined Meyerism. You said before you joined young.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Will nodded, “I was four or five. My father brought Cal and I to Meyerism. My mother had bailed, and he was an alcoholic. He fought a lot with drinking until he met Steve. He helped him stop drinking. He helped him find the Light.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is your father still in the movement today?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Will shook his head, “He eventually went back to his old ways. He drank himself to death. We were raised by Steve and the rest of the Meyerists at the time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How old were you when he died?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Seven.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, Steve took up the fatherly role after your father died.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Cal would say so, but I never saw him as much of a father.” He said and Hannibal caught the slip of venom in his words. The bitterness that lay just under the surface.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why not? Was he not good to you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He… was kind enough. He gave us shelter, food, a family, and enlightenment. It wasn’t always the best at first but now look where we are. I could ask for a better home or family. That doesn’t make him my father.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re not close with him, but Cal is?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Cal even took our mother’s last name, Roberts, because he was so angry with our father. My last name is still Graham.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hannibal wondered what could have possibly happened with Steve that caused the fire he could see in Will’s eyes. What did he see that his brother didn’t? It could be as innocent as a boy who missed and didn’t want to relinquish the memory of his father. He had a feeling it was more sinister.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Saturday at seven-thirty in the morning, Hannibal drove up to the compound gate. He was greeted by a security guard, of sorts, who let him in after he told him Will invited him and seeing his ID. The little place was lovely and quite isolated. It was at least an hour away from his office and maybe thirty minutes away from any other homes up that mountain road. It was well taken care of; the grass and trees were green and lush. Alongside the road were rustic little cabin-like buildings. People were already up and busy like Will said they would be. They smiled and waved as he drove up the little road and to the parking lot in front of their largest buildings. There were a few other cars parked there, all identical blue Toyota Priuses, and two white vans with the Meyerism eye on the side. Will was there, in front of the Chapel. He went over and met Hannibal as he got out of the car. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Good morning,” he said. Hannibal immediately realized his usual Meyerism branded t-shirt was gone. He just wore a normal flannel and jeans, but his necklace was untucked, it was the eye. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Good morning, Will,” Hannibal responded, “Your home is beautiful.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Will offered a halfhearted smile, “We take good care of it. It’s our home until we are taken to the Garden.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hannibal nodded. He looked around again, “You start your days early.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Early start for a busy day. We always have plenty to do. Workshops, gardening, charity work, spreading the word to those who will listen.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It honestly sounds like you never get a break,” Hannibal looked at him again. Will looked like he didn’t get much of a break. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I sleep. I get time alone. It’s alright.” He shrugged, “I’m glad you came, Doctor Lecter.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, I said I would.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Others have canceled. I never know who will decide to come.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hannibal smiled, “You and your brother joined young and early in the movement. You got to watch this place grow. Did you help build it?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He had started it when my father brought us here. He had hardly anything at the time. We even slept in tents for a while. We weren’t that much further along when my father left.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hannibal's eyes wandered across the compound again. He wondered where Will's double as if he was even out and about yet. He opened his mouth to ask but stopped himself. They watched another blue Toyota pull up into the parking lot. A woman got out with a teen boy and a younger girl. She saw them, specifically Will, and smiled. Her expression bright and cheery like most of the others Hannibal had seen. Hannibal noticed a similar necklace around her neck.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Good morning, Will. Who's this?" she asked and turned to Hannibal, "A possible?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Yes," Will answered for him, "This is Doctor Hannibal Lecter, I met him in the city a little while back. He wanted to visit the compound so I thought it would be nice for him to come to see everything and even hear Cal speak a bit."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I think that's a lovely idea," she extended a hand to Hannibal which he took, "I'm Sarah Lane." She gestured to the children, "This is my daughter Summer and my son Hawk."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"A pleasure to make your acquaintance."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Sarah was raised in the movement too," Will answered questions before Hannibal could ask, "Her parents were among the first few. She's irreplaceable. Cal and I have known her essentially our whole lives."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Cal and Will are just as irreplaceable. They are so good and have been nothing but wonderful. The movement wouldn't be the same without them." </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Will smiled sheepishly, "Thank you, Sarah...I was going to show Doctor Lecter around a bit before the gathering. We could catch up after."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Of course, of course," she nodded, "I'll see you later and I hope you see just how good it would be to join, Doctor. If anyone's words could persuade you though, I'd say it'd be Cal. He really can instill your faith in The Light."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hannibal simply returned her words with a smile and watched her walk to the chapel with her children following. Will visibly relaxed as she walked away. Hannibal found the shield he fronted around someone he was raised with to be interesting. A similar front he had seen when he first met Will. Gentle, quiet, and reserved. Not himself, but a safe face to play.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"She's 8R," Will said softly, even once she was out of earshot, "Two rungs below Cal and one below me. She doesn't know about Steve's health."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you the only two aware of Steve’s decline in health?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Cal and I are the only ones here on the compound, but Bill, Felicia, and Silas are all aware as well. They are all 10Rs. We were all asked to keep this quiet.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“All but you. You’re 9R, yes? He trusts you still.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He raised me, though I may not be at the highest rung, I am still one of the most faithful and established members.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hannibal nodded, almost disappointed that didn’t gain much more of a reaction. For a faithful member of the Meyerism movement, his ranking being called into question didn’t seem to bother him much. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why are you a rung below if you’re a similar figure to your community? You’ve mentioned tests for different rungs. Is there a test you haven’t taken?” he asked. Will shrugged and rubbed the back of his head for a moment. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, you need to go through different trials or tests to raise a rung but it’s not that I haven’t had an opportunity. Cal has always been a bit more tenacious than me. Leading with his head held high. I don't socialize well, I’m not good company. So, I try not to do much that requires me to be sociable. So, he kept rising in the rungs. I followed but he always was a few steps ahead. For a while, he was a few rungs higher than me. Probably would be now, if he could, but 10R is as far as you can go until Steve finishes the last rungs.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He is still deciphering those rungs despite his health problems?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His jaw worked back and forth for a moment, “Yes,” he finally met Hannibal’s eyes, “Would you like to go meet Cal?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A smile pulled at the corner of Hannibal’s lips, “I would very much like to meet him.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Will led him up a path through a few more cabins. He waved to a few other members he saw as they walked along. He smiled at the thought, curious at what they would do if they knew what the higher rungs hid from them. Something that could make their community buckle. It was worse than Will was leading on. If Steve had just faced illness, he wouldn’t have hidden it. No, there was something bigger. Hannibal just had to wait for Will to finally crack. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When they came to Cal’s cabin, Will knocked. There was a shuffle of feet behind the door before it opened. An identical face answered. Hannibal stared for a moment and his lips parted to speak but his tongue was caught up on the words. Will hadn’t mentioned they were identical twins, which was a detail he didn’t expect him to leave out. Cal was a touch taller and had very short hair. Both were lean but the definition of toned muscle showed even under Cal’s shirt. His eyes were not quite as blue and roiled a stormy grey color. Troubled eyes, full of secrets. Angry. If they didn't keep their hair so different, they'd be hard to tell apart. Cal had answered the door with a smile, but his brows raised then furrowed at the sight of Hannibal. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“This is Doctor Lecter. The possible I mentioned to you yesterday.” Will explained. The confusion melted from his expression and the warmth returned to his smile. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“A pleasure to meet you,” Hannibal greeted. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Welcome to our home, Doctor Lecter,” Cal reciprocated, “I always encourage in-person visits for possibles. It certainly helps solidify their decision. I’m glad you could come.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I completely agree, how could one turn away from this beautiful place. And everyone has been nothing but wonderful so far.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hannibal could almost feel the pride radiate off Cal, “I assure you, following the guidance of the Light will bring you nothing but peace and true happiness in life. This movement saved both Will and me.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>What a charmer. He saw what Will meant when he called Cal a leader. He knew how to talk, and it made Hannibal wonder how far he'd go and how much charm he'd use to his advantage.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"So, I've heard, you and Will have been a part of the movement for a long time, most of your lives, yes?" </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Almost. Pretty close I'd say. We were very young when we joined, and we were raised by the founder of the movement himself."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I imagine then that this place means a lot to you two. The members are like family."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Our community is family. We strive for connection and unity. We all will be in the Garden together after all. You'll get to meet them today, at the gathering. Most of them at least."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Yes, I got to meet a few already. Just a few minutes ago."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Sarah and her children," Will cut in. Hannibal saw the twitch at the corner of Cal's lips. He recalled a ring on Sarah's finger, and he didn't see one on Cal's hand now. Charm didn't quite get him everything he wanted, did it?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Sarah said she grew up here as well, with you two."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Yes, Sarah was born into the movement. So were her siblings. Her parents joined the movement early on," Cal explained, "So we grew up right alongside her, we were only a little older than her."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Fascinating," Hannibal smiled again, "I was unaware of how old the movement was."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Well, Steve did prefer we kept out of the eye of the media," Will interjected again, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We are not documented as a religion. We are a movement. Calling ourselves a religion and having documents to call us as such would allow for ridicule and would encourage others to label us as a cult. Which we are not. We do not try to expand beyond our reach, we want to naturally grow and only allow in members that truly want to join. To climb the ladder with the rest of us. We stay close together and quiet so the news and media cannot twist our message. Systemites may try to demonize us and our beliefs. It's safer and honestly just nicer to be distant from the rest of the world." </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was almost rehearsed. How many times had Will defended Meyerism like that before? He had said some of the same things in Hannibal’s office, during sessions. Was it a show? Barriers up and ready for a fight. This wasn’t the Will he was getting to know as he relaxed around him. This was the Will who learned how to survive in the dark environment he was raised in. Who could question his place there? Who would dare question his faith when he stood so solid in his understanding and defense for their beliefs? Cal looked past them and the two turned to see what he was looking at. Others had moved toward the main hall for their morning gathering.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"That's our cue to go, I need to grab one thing, you two go ahead," Cal said. Will nodded. He went back in and Will titled his head in the direction of the main hall. Hannibal followed him back down.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hannibal sat with Will in the chapel. It filled quickly. They chose to sit further back which gave Hannibal a chance to observe the room. He could see Sarah further up with her children. She was sitting close to two older members. A man and a woman. Perhaps her parents? He couldn't entirely assume though. While he searched through the crowd, he saw that most were around Sarah's age or younger but there were a few older souls in the mix. He leaned back in his seat and turned to Will.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"This has all been very educational, thank you for inviting me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will made a noise to acknowledge he heard the doctor. His mind was elsewhere. Hannibal let him stay lost and he returned to observing those around them. He was curious just how many were born into this movement, how many were recruited, how many found this place and willingly sought the comforts of such a community. He saw the appeal. The human condition to connect made cults very much real and a very easy business opportunity for those who recognized their potential. People like Cal and Will. But Hannibal wasn't so sure they were real cult leader material. They held power, charisma, and respect over these people. Yes, even the awkward and timid Will Graham did. But they didn't seem to hold malicious intent. He hadn't known Cal long and though he had a deeper dark part to him than Hannibal did not entirely understand it wasn't the kind of darkness and manipulative intent that usual cult leaders held. He seemed to believe in the world they made there and he followed Steve’s words just as all the other members did. He and Will wanted to help the world even if that wasn't the original intent of this community.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He returned to the present when he saw Cal finally show up. He greeted people and he said good morning and was greeted with an echo chamber of "good mornings" and hellos as well. He beamed with pride.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Thank you all for being here today. As most of you are aware Ascension Day approaches,” He waited when the crowd cheered at the statement. He raised a hand to quiet them, “Not only that but we are blessed today with 1Rs and possibles among us this morning. I think it would be most beneficial to talk about Steve’s discovery of the ladder and the light.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hannibal’s eyes shifted to Will. He sat back in his chair, arms folded, eyes forward like he was watching, but he wasn’t present. Hannibal’s eyes shifted back to Cal and scanned around the rest of the room. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“October 28th, 1974, our blessed leader Doctor Steven Meyer received a message. A beacon of light shone upon him. His dear friends, our dear friend, Bill and Felicia at his side, when they watched him ascend the ladder of light. That day he was given a message of Truth. A message he chose to give to us, his devoted family and followers.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The crowd watched in awe, some even held their hands up and had their eyes closed in praise. Hannibal watched the children upfront stare up at Cal with utter wonder. Stars sparkled in their eyes as they listened to Dr. Meyer’s story of The Ladder. The youngest he saw couldn’t have been more than ten years old. She knew nothing more than this movement. These people. And this compound. He was curious just how many were born into this movement, how many were recruited, how many found this place and willingly sought the comforts of such a community. He saw the appeal. The human condition to connect made cults very much real and a very lucrative business opportunity for those who recognized their potential. People like Cal and Will. But Hannibal wasn't so sure they were real cult leader material. Will and Cal had been raised in this movement; they didn’t start it. An entire life dedicated to Meyerism and its cause. Look where it got them. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hannibal turned back into Cal’s words, “With the expansion of his word, of our family, he was able to reach more souls. I even helped with the expansion and development of the San Diego facility. Silas, he resides in Peru, alongside Steve, where they work together to bring us the last rungs.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He lost interest again and went back to watching people. No one looked away from Cal. Almost as if hypnotized. To hold that sort of power and admiration from a whole religion must be exhilarating. What would they do for him? What wouldn’t they do? He would need to press Will further about the trials before each rung. How far did Meyer push them all? Religion held intensely onto its followers, but cults were different. Hannibal had been raised to be religious. He had expectations to meet but even if he wasn’t the perfect god-fearing man, that wouldn’t land him in a small white room for weeks. He never would undergo rituals or have his identity torn apart and rebuilt around his faith. He had no proof or even any reason to believe Meyerism was like this, so far, they seemed to let their deniers go. They wouldn't force anyone to believe or stay in manners such as abduction or being locked in a tiny room. If someone said enough, they could go. Will said so. But the catch was if you had anyone left, someone you loved still apart of the movement, a spouse, children, parents, siblings, you could never talk to them again. And they probably would go out of their way to never speak to you either. That alone was probably enough leverage to make the most stay even if their faith was shaken. Like Will.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hannibal listened to Cal talk some more but only enough to gather they believed the world would end in floods and fire, an unoriginal doomsday, but frightening to the believers, nonetheless. He wondered about Steven. Cal and Will both have said he was down in Peru translating those last three rungs, but Hannibal had a feeling that wasn't entirely the case.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As Cal wrapped up his speech, Will seemed to come back to life with the crowd. Hands raised back up by some members, that included Cal. He closed his eyes and led the prayer, “We ask for strength to see us through bouts of uncertainty, to forgive our transgressions, those of others, if we live the light it will always show us the way.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Another small ripple of cheers came through the audience. Then they got up to depart. Will looked to Hannibal expectant. Hannibal smiled at him; he certainly had a better idea of what this ‘movement’ was. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you for bringing me, I’ve found this all quite educational.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why don’t we step outside,” Will gestured to the door and got up. Hannibal followed suit and let Will lead the way out with the rest of the group of people. They moved out a little out from the rest that stood just outside the doors to chat as well.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So, you enjoyed it? Maybe Cal and Sarah had the right idea… you could… join Meyerism.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I understand your devotion and faith better. I do believe it was a good idea to come and see it all firsthand.” Hannibal replied. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Will smiled and Hannibal found himself unable to discern if it was genuine. Those blue eyes didn't give way any information. They were silent to him. Hannibal didn't get the chance to pry when he saw Cal in his peripheral. Hannibal turned to him as he walked over. Will's lost gaze drifted to the ground.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You spoke very well in there,” </span>
  <em>
    <span>with words chosen carefully</span>
  </em>
  <span>, “I believe I even saw a few in tears.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"The enlightenment of the movement has brought plenty of us to tears. I included. I count myself very lucky to be a part of it. I've cried out my fair share of joy and suffering. The Light has always guided me through."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What does the rest of today hold for you?" Hannibal asked, "After a gathering?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"There are workshops today. Lower rungs but also some charity work to be done in the city later. Will and I will be going with them."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Are all of your days this busy?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We work towards bettering ourselves and helping others every day. Why take a break when there’s work to do? Good work."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I see," Hannibal, once again, found himself admiring his choice of words. Hannibal wasn't unfamiliar with charismatic individuals or manipulation. He took advantage of his abilities in that regard. But these boys, raised outside of traditional societal standards with a very distinct rule not to believe in psychology or other 'systemite lies' in traditional education, spoke with such grace and impact to their words like they had been taught how to manipulate and market a crowd. Every word just right for what they do.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will you be staying for any other activities today?” Cal asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He is,” Will said, “for one of my workshops.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Cal looked to Will then Hannibal again, there was something else behind his eyes, “Awesome. I think that’ll be great. Well, if you excuse me, I have a few people to talk to. But it was wonderful to meet you. I hope to see you more often.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hannibal smiled, “Thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Cal turned to go to some other members. Hannibal’s eyes shifted back to Will and Will’s gaze was turned to the ground. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“When do your workshops start?” He asked. Will blinked rapidly as he came out of his fog. He swallowed hard and checked his watch for the time. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We have twenty minutes. How about I show you some of the gardens before we get stuck with a bunch of people?” Will suggested. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d love to see them.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Their session was later in the day than usual, Will had been busy, and it was the only time Hannibal had open. Will’s body was heavy and sluggish. He sunk into the seat. He could have slept all night right there in that chair. Hannibal inquired about his tired state. Will explained he had run around with Cal all day, they took a group of 3 and 4Rs to work with homeless people. Giving out clothes, food, helping with any minor injuries they may have, changing their shoes and socks. Charitable activities were something they did often, just sometimes a little more labor-intensive than other days. Cal wanted it done before he left to visit Steve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tell me, Will, you’ve explained Steve went to Peru when his health declined. Which, fortunately, worked for him. That is where he needs to be to translate those last rungs. How long has he been there?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“A few months,” Will shrugged, “I’d say we’re going on month four.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How many times have you visited him since his decline?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Three times.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And Cal?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“More than me. I don’t really know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How is he when you visit him?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Preachy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hannibal smiled, amused, his head tilted a bit, “He is the founder of your movement. Preaching is what draws people in. Isn’t that what your brother does?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Cal leading morning gatherings isn’t the same as Steve rambling on.” He stopped and yawned, “Excuse me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Have you slept well as of late? Sleep deprivation can cause anxiety and agitation.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I never really sleep well. Nightmares are, unfortunately, frequent.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And what are those nightmares of?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“A lot of things. I guess it depends on what I’m upset about or thinking of? I’ve had nightmares around Cal, my dad. I’ve had nightmares of losing my place in the movement. I’ve had nightmares of The Future. Or losing my place in the garden. It’s not exactly a switch I can shut off when I want.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Have you had those nightmares as of late?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What are they about?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Will swallowed hard and he shifted a bit in his chair. Hannibal had an idea already what he may be haunted by. “Getting kicked out. Never seeing my brother again.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re experiencing this because of our sessions, yes?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not really used to talking to you yet. At least, I’m not used to sneaking around.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Especially when it’s behind your brother’s back. You two have been privy to the same information and secrets since you joined the movement. Keeping something so massive like doubt about your faith is… unsettling. Unnatural. You’ve grown up on the principle of honesty.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The Light is truth.” Will said, “I’m not… I am not losing my faith. I believe in the Light.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then you’ve lost your faith in Steve. Something has left your foundations rattled. To a point, you couldn’t even turn to your own brother. Even if it’s not your faith in the Light that is damaged… Cal would find an issue in your distrust in Steve. Would he ask for realignment? Would he call you to visit him again?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Will grimaced at the word realignment. His stomach churned and for just a moment he thought he may be sick. He stood from his chair. He wrung his hands and paced. Hannibal’s stare never left him. He could almost see the cogs turning in Will’s mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What happened with Steve, Will? Did he do something to you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Cal would have me unburden to Richard and have Richard decide if I needed realignment or some time at the retreat in Peru.” Will cut off any more questions, “I wouldn’t necessarily have to speak with Steve if I went to Peru, but I would have to speak with Silas. I would probably need to spend time with him enlightening myself. Mediating, smoking sacred herbs, reading text.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’ve mentioned Silas. He is another 10R, yes?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He helps found Meyerism with Steve, Bill, and Felicia. He is our Shaman. He oversees everything in our Peru retreat. He guides you through spiritual messages and journeys the light might send. He also oversees the entire 7th rung trials.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hannibal watched him pace a bit, his finger drummed on the arm of the chair. He pondered the idea of them drugging their movement members. Or at least wondering what “sacred herbs” were to them. Something to open them up to suggestion while with the Shaman. He could feed them whatever he wanted them to believe. Influence what they were experiencing in a distorted state of reality.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What exactly do you take when you are with Silas?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Usually… ayahuasca. We don’t call it that really. Whenever we have our rehab program available… it’s not exactly the best to advertise that we give that to them. Ayahuasca and marijuana are both sacred herbs used to achieve a higher state of consciousness.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn’t hard to feel you had achieved a higher state of consciousness when taking something with psychoactive properties. Especially with that particular plant.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, you and Cal have both gone through the trial that required time with him and required you to smoke?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Will nodded, “It wasn’t fun. I’m just glad I never have to do it again.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What did you see?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Darkness,” he paused when his voice wavered just a little, “It was dark and cold. I was alone. There was no light. And there was no Garden. I remember crying and I remember Silas holding my hands at one point. Most of the trip I don’t really remember.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just how long has this fracture in his faith existed? Was that the starting point or was that just another nail in the coffin? Hannibal was sure he was close to cracking that case. Will showed more and more of himself and his true feelings as they progressed in his therapy. His shell would crack soon enough, and the contents would spill out. It was just a waiting game at that point.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Will sat back down. The tension in his muscles fought his exhaustion. They wanted nothing more than to melt into the chair and sleep. Hannibal imagined how peaceful he’d be in his sleep. His mind wandered to images of Will curled up in sheets with morning sunlight draped over him. How small and vulnerable he appeared. He possessed the pale beauty of renaissance paintings in his soft-looking flesh.</p>
<p>Hannibal blinked away the image quickly. How surprising it was to suddenly imagine something like that. Will was a patient. A friend. It was inappropriate to imagine such things and yet his mind wandered again. He never had this happen before. Even in partners, he had before he didn’t daydream or think about them outside of their affairs. Partners were either to keep up appearances or the relationship would benefit him in one way. They didn’t occupy his mind outside that. He hardly gave them another thought once they were done.</p>
<p>This feeling was intriguing and almost frightening. Only because it defied his usual thoughts and desires. Will Graham sparked something new in him and he wasn’t used to others having enough influence to affect him in any way.</p>
<p>His imagination was distracting but they made it through their hour. By the end, Will seemed further drained but he wasn’t quite as tense. Hannibal offered to walk him out and Will waited for him to put away his notes, turn off his lights, and followed him out. He said goodnight and while Hannibal walked to his own car, he could hear Will’s car struggle to start. He stopped and looked over to Will. He was trying but his car wouldn’t start. He got out and opened up the hood.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Everything alright?” Hannibal called. Will grumbled something he couldn’t hear then looked to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know what’s wrong with it.” He answered. It was late, calling any kind of tow truck would be expensive and there were no mechanics open at this hour. He could call his brother but that may not be the best idea either. And Will seemed to think the same. Hannibal hesitated a moment before he spoke. He thought about it. He wanted to see the result of one night away from the compound. He wanted to see him outside that room. What would extended contact allow for them? They had been to the compound together, but it was still restricted to very specific bounds. Here they were doctor-patient, at the compound they had been leader-follower. Unspoken rules kept them from being entirely themselves in different ways. The freedom of their solitude in Hannibal’s home would grant honesty the room to blossom between them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How about we come back in the morning?” Hannibal offered, “I’ll call someone first thing. For now, I have an extra room.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Will did not look too keen on the idea. Yet he didn’t come up with a better one. Hannibal smiled and opened the passenger door. Will grabbed his wallet from the car and he locked it up before he got in Hannibal’s. Hannibal got in on the driver’s side and started up his car.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s not ideal but I promise I don’t bite.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t mind finding a hotel to stay at. I don’t mean to impose.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nonsense. I have the extra room.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Isn’t it weird or wrong? You are my psychiatrist.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Unorthodox but not illegal. You’re simply staying for a night. Due to unforeseen circumstances. It is perfectly acceptable for me to help you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Will nodded, though clearly unsure about it. He was too exhausted to think about it or fight about it. He stayed quiet the rest of the drive to Hannibal’s home. Hannibal assured him all was fine, again, as he opened the door to his home and let Will in. Hannibal had a very nice and rather large home. The compound was small and modest. Especially in comparison to Hannibal’s place. It was well decorated, well kept, very clean, and pretty.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wow, you live here all by yourself?” He looked around, then to Hannibal. “No girlfriend?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No,” Hannibal smiled, amused at his bluntness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Boyfriend?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I live here alone; I am not currently engaged in any relationships either.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn’t want to assume who you’d date,” Will shrugged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Does Meyerism have a restriction with relationships?” He asked and hung up his coat. He hadn’t thought on the matter prior.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, as long as they’re apart of the movement it doesn’t matter.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Very open-minded views.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Will nodded, “You already knew that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Still I have plenty more to learn.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Will’s eyes traveled away from the Doctor and he examined his home again. Will didn’t visit other’s homes often. Outside of Sarah’s he stayed at the compound. So, his mind driven by curiosity wanted to take in everything and admire it while he was there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll show you to the guest room, it’s just upstairs,” Hannibal said and interrupted his thoughts.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, right,” Will nodded. Everything was so neat and organized. How could he keep it all so clean?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Will wasn’t a slob, but this certainly was better kept than his own place. Prone to leaving books, papers, projects, and clothes lying out and about. Clean but disorganized would be the best description of his home. Hannibal’s level of cleanliness was similar to Cal’s. Nothing seemed out of place. Hannibal led him up the stairs and to a room right there to the side. He pushed the door open.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There’s a restroom attached if you need me for any reason, my room I down the hall,” he gestured behind him. Will looked to the door on the other end of the hallway then to his host.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course, my home is always open to friends,” there was a smile on Hannibal’s lips and Will averted his gaze at the flutter it gave his heart. He returned a diffident smile of his own.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll see you in the morning,” Will murmured and walked into the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Goodnight,” he said and left Will to make himself comfortable. He retreated to his own room. He changed, brushed his teeth, washed his face, and went to bed. All while maintaining thoughts of Will.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hannibal woke up early and continued with his normal routine. He was aware of the other person in the house and moved as gently and soundlessly as he could. He wanted Will to rest as long as possible. He himself had nowhere to be for a while at least, as long as Will didn’t sleep until noon it wouldn’t be an issue. Even if he wasn’t sure how long he’d sleep he made breakfast and coffee for two. His mind was overflowing with thoughts and images of Will. Discussions they had or could have. What was possible for him. What he could do if pushed in the right direction. What he was capable of if pushed in another. He thought the brothers had an equal chance of becoming something much darker. It was certainly present in Cal. He could read it in his eyes that stormed with constant turmoil. But Will’s beautiful empathy allowed for something more. A door, once opened, can be walked through both ways. When he opened his mind to violence to understand the nature of why someone may harm another, he faced the chance that the violence may actually make sense to him. Hannibal was lost in pondering thoughts.</p><p>As if on cue he heard feet descending the stairs as he plated their food. He looked up to the entrance of his kitchen. Will hardly looked awake. Rumpled clothes with untamed curly hair fluffed up in a serious case of bed head.  Hannibal couldn’t help but smile at the sight.</p><p>“Good morning, Will,” He said gently.</p><p>“Morning,” Will croaked back. He was still waking up.</p><p>“I wasn’t sure if you had a preference for how your coffee was prepared. If you’d prefer tea or water, I have those too.”</p><p>“Plain coffee is fine.”</p><p>Hannibal went to grab him a mug. “I’m sorry again.” Will started but was cut off.</p><p>“There is no need for that at all. You are my friend. Again, my kitchen and home are always open to friends.”</p><p>Will was quite groggy, but he recognized a fluttery feeling in his chest while he watched Hannibal move. He had only seen the man in his crisp, defined, and well-tailored suits with his styled hair and equally refined and calm demeanor. Hannibal now was in a comfortable, loose sweater, his hair fell partially into his face, obscuring part of his eyes. The juxtaposition of his home appearance to how Will had been seeing him for weeks was almost jarring.</p><p>He shouldn’t feel any attraction for his psychiatrist.</p><p>That feeling bubbled up and led up to a point where Will thought he may throw up he could barely contain the overwhelming uneasiness this was dredging up. Hannibal saw his posture shift. That tension returned to the poor anxious man. He set the coffee down for him.</p><p>“I made breakfast if you would like some.”</p><p>Will grabbed the mug and mumbled something along the lines of ‘please’ as he sifted through his worries. Then he shook his head, “wait, what did you make?”</p><p>“Simple protein scramble, eggs, sausage.”</p><p>“We’re vegetarians.”</p><p>“Ah, I apologize, I should have waited to ask.”</p><p>“It’s okay…” he hesitated, “It’s one breakfast.”</p><p>Hannibal grabbed the plates and gestured for Will to follow into his dining room. They were quiet but the air about them was relaxed. Will was wrestling with these feelings but after sitting down with a few sips of coffee and a few bites of food he was able to calm down. He liked how at ease he felt with Hannibal. He didn’t get to feel so comfortable with anyone else.</p><p>Hannibal wanted him to have his space. Still recovering and resting. He wouldn’t press or open a conversation unless Will wanted it. It took a few more minutes of their eased silence to break.</p><p>“I’m surprised my brother hasn’t called me yet,” Will started.</p><p>“Has he contacted you at all?”</p><p>“I think he texted me, someone did, this morning… I haven’t really looked,” Will shrugged, “He doesn’t need to know where I am at all times.”</p><p>“Do you feel he’s overbearing? He seems to constrict your schedule often.”</p><p>“He always has been about as obnoxious as I figure an older sibling would be for others. Even if we are the same age. But I guess that comes with being a higher rung and being a leader for everyone else. So, why not lead and guide me too?”</p><p>“You’re fairly high in the rungs yourself, do you need a guide this far along?”</p><p>“Everyone does. He did. Steve always guided him…” he murmured. Hannibal watched him shift in his seat. He stopped eating and stared down at his food like it was going to make him sick.</p><p>“Steve was a father to you and your brother? You mentioned your father left you to the movement and he separated from you two, your mother was already gone. Steve became that father instead. What became of your biological father?”</p><p>Will scoffed and sipped his coffee again. He pushed food around his plate. He either was avoiding the questions or putting together what he wanted to say. His face twisted with conflicting emotions.</p><p>“Our father decided to drink himself to death. Steve was there but I’d hardly say anything beyond that.”</p><p>“You and your brother lead his movement. Why would you commit your lives to someone who was ‘just there’ as you put it?” Hannibal pressed further. He could feel this layer pulling free but there were many more to pull back and he had a feeling if he was just patient enough, he could get him to talk.</p><p>“Cal shouldn’t but I have a feeling he’d say Steve was a father to him. Cal was so angry with our father, that's why he took our mother’s maiden name, Roberts, instead of Graham as he got older. Just to spite him…” he swallowed hard and stuck some eggs with his fork. He blinked away some tears that threatened to spill over. A darker look brewed in those ocean blue eyes. Something he had seen similarly in Cal’s eyes. It was a deep-seated fury that was bound to blossom into violence with the right nudge.</p><p>“What happened to you?”</p><p>Will shook his head, “Nothing. Nothing happened to me.”</p><p>Hannibal sipped his coffee. He waited. He didn’t want Will to retreat and backpedal on the progress they had made so far. So, they sat through several moments of silence. Then Will took another deep breath.</p><p>“Steve isn’t just sick. He’s dying. He has stage four cancer. He deserves worse. He hurt Cal.” His voice was sharp. Hannibal was only partially surprised by the revelation. He wasn’t doing his best to hide his disdain for Steve, or that something more was going on with his illness.</p><p>“What did he do to Cal?”</p><p>“He’s a pedophile. He abused Cal until he was a teenager. I didn’t exactly understand for… well, years. I didn’t understand why Steve was so close to him. Why they shared the same sleeping bag so often.”</p><p>Hannibal watched his jaw tense and his shoulder’s shift. He wondered how they could maintain their close, personal, and loyal relationship with Steve and Meyerism as a whole. Did Cal’s anger stem from the same events?</p><p>“Why would you stay if he did that to him? Why would Cal stay?”</p><p>“Cal doesn’t remember. And I only found out to what extent the abuse reached when Cal showed me the letters and pictures Steve gave to him one time. As a kid, I didn’t get it. As a teen, I knew Steve was hurting Cal, somehow. So, I was never fond of him. I couldn’t have ever imagined…” his jaw tightened more as he tried to reign back in the emotions threatening to flood out. A few disobedient tears fell anyway, and he wiped them away.</p><p>“Cal doesn’t remember. I’ve never… directly asked. Never said explicit words to trigger it. But I asked things like if he remembers parts of our childhood and he doesn’t. At least, not a lot. I’m too… I’m too scared to tell him. I’m too scared to bring it up. What would that do to him? Especially now? I mean… that monster is dying. He’s dying in pain. That’s the least I could ask for.” He blinked away the glimmer of tears in the corners of his eyes, “I think it would break Cal to remember any of it. His mind forgot for a reason.”</p><p>“That abuse shapes part of Cal today. I can’t say with complete certainty but from what I’ve observed and what you have told me this abuse manifested into anger.  His desires to lead and his hold on Meyerism and its beliefs. He seeks validation and worth in the movement because of your parent’s abandonment and Steve’s repeated, and prolonged abuse. Those events in his life made him feel worthless. He can make his own worth within your community.”</p><p>“Cal is worth so much and worthy of so much.”</p><p>“Those lingering childhood traumas say otherwise in his mind. That abandonment affected you too but in different ways. You also seek out ways to help, you find comfort in the community you’ve built around you.”</p><p>“Are you saying we shouldn’t be in the movement but because of our trauma we want to be?” Will bristled.</p><p>“No,” Hannibal gently backtracked, “I’m highlighting how the trauma makes you both very dedicated to the community you built. Inherently there is nothing wrong with Meyerism. Its foundations and beliefs are not the issues. The founder is an issue. The fear of rejection is an issue. You fear their rejection so much you’ve broken your own rules just to stay comfortable in your community.”</p><p> </p><p>Will didn’t respond. He looked so torn. Hannibal hadn’t directly jabbed at his faith, he didn’t belittle him or call out anything wrong with him or Meyerism. But thinking about the fact that he clung so desperately to the community because of his trauma made him wonder if he could feel differently or even feel better without them. The thought also terrified him.</p><p>His brother would never consider anything of the sort and would be appalled to find out Will thought that way.</p><p>“I can see you hold quite a bit of anger towards Steve. And rightfully I must say. Have you thought of exposing him or confronting him on the matter?”</p><p>“No,” Will responded quickly, “Telling the community would destroy the movement. Who would follow the movement constructed by a pedophile? Or… I could be cast out. It could hurt Cal too. It’d hurt everyone.”</p><p>“And confronting him?”</p><p>“I don’t think I could… without hurting him.”</p><p>“Hurting him?” Hannibal watched Will shift in his seat, “What would you do to him, Will. If you confronted him. Would you just hit him? Or would you kill him?”</p><p>There was a spark of fear in his eyes. He looked to the doctor with distress strewn across his features. Despite that fear he still seemed quite calm. Calm for someone who was just suggested he could go murder another person.</p><p>Will’s voice wavered a little as he whispered, “I don’t know…”</p><p>“I wouldn’t blame you if you ever considered killing him. Giving him a little too much medication. Smothering him with a pillow.”</p><p>He watched the conflicting feelings morph and change in Will’s face. There was still a hint of fear but there was something else. Those ideas didn’t sound too unappealing. Will set his fork down and sat back in his seat. He folded his arms and looked directly to Hannibal.</p><p>“I could never do that.”</p><p>“I simply said I wouldn’t blame you for those feelings. That breed of monster deserves to die and wouldn’t you think it’d be satisfying to make sure it happened?” Hannibal said it all so smoothly, without apprehension or delicate words. Will imagined standing over Steve. He imagined himself wrapping his hands around his frail throat. There wouldn’t be much of a struggle and it would be easy enough to clamp his hands down and watch the life drain from him. As he feebly squirmed and grabbed at Will’s arms. He would lean in to add weight onto his hold. He’d still hold even after his body goes limp. For a few minutes. Just to make sure the job was done.</p><p>He swallowed hard and forced down nausea that overtook him.</p><p>“It would feel good.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Will got back to the compound after the morning gathering.  It was later than he would have liked but at least he was back, with the car. Though his mind still reeled from the conversation at breakfast. His chest still ached with regurgitated memories he chose not to rehash often. His stomach churned and that nausea returned full force when he sat Cal at the chapel parking lot. Will took a deep breath and turned off the car. He got out and knew he was in trouble by the look on Cal’s face.</p><p>Cal didn’t raise his voice but his words stern, “Where were you last night? You didn’t return my call this morning.”</p><p>“The car had a problem. It was late so I stayed at a hotel. No big deal.” Will tried to brush it off and walk around him. Cal put a hand on his chest and stopped him in his tracks. Will wouldn’t meet his gaze.</p><p>“You could have called; I don’t care how later it is. You had me worried. Why wouldn’t you call me?”</p><p>“I didn’t think it would be a problem. I figured you were asleep. So, I decided not to call. I’m sorry, okay?”</p><p>“What’s going on with you?” Cal’s words hit like a train.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“Why on earth wouldn’t you call me? Why were you even out so late?”</p><p>“I was meeting up with Doctor Lecter. He’s still interested in Meyerism. He just had some questions and couldn’t meet earlier.” Cal seemed to believe it but it still felt like his heart was in his throat.</p><p>“You’ve been acting weird. You’ve been distant. You’ve been away from everyone more. What’s going on? You know you can talk to me about anything. I’m here to help you, Will.” His tone lost its harsh edge. His brow furrowed in concern. Will rubbed the back of his neck. Of course, that wasn’t all true. Will couldn’t talk about it all.</p><p>“I’m sorry. I haven’t meant to be distant.” He paused while he tried to piece something together. He shrugged. “I guess… Steve… and everything there is getting to me. I haven’t been sleeping well either.”</p><p>Cal frowned, “Nightmares again?”</p><p>“Well, they never exactly went away.”</p><p>“Maybe you should talk with Richard again. Or maybe Shelby can get you a sleeping remedy?” he suggested. Will shook his head and put a hand on Cal’s shoulder. He smiled as best he could.</p><p>“It’s okay…” he hesitated, “I’ll talk to Shelby. Thank you. I’m okay.”</p><p>Cal pulled him close and hugged him. Will thought he’d be able to feel his heartbeat against his ribs as fast as it was going. He held him tight for several moments.</p><p>“Just let me know if you need anything, alright?”</p><p>“Alright.”</p><p> </p><p>The twins didn’t spend too much of their time exclusively alone anymore. As they grew up and moved up in the rungs, they grew distant. Partially with tensions in their own issues in faith and other various personal problems that would arise. They were still close, and Will would consider him the only person he truly felt close to. He just wished he could trust him more.</p><p>No matter their differences or distance between each other, members of Meyerism treated them equally as leaders and the ones to seek out if they needed help. Will had spoken to a few members before their morning gathering and he was able to calm their worries until he got better answers from Cal. He had to wait until after when everyone finally cleared.</p><p>“People are asking about Steve again…” he frowned, “Asking about how the translations are going.”</p><p>“And what did you tell them?”</p><p>“What we always do. That he hasn’t shared any more than he’s making progress and he can’t wait to come back.”</p><p>Cal nodded, almost dismissive of him. Will narrowed his eyes and got his attention again. Neither brother ready to deal with the other’s attitude that morning.</p><p>“We can’t keep ignoring their questions. We can’t keep lying to them,” he almost growled, “That’s not fair. To any of them.”</p><p>“We can’t tell them yet, Felicia, Bill, and Silas expect a miracle any day now. We can’t deny them or what Steve asked of us.” Cal said firmly.</p><p>“What Steve asked of <em>you</em>, Cal. I never wanted to go see him anyways. You and I both know there won’t be some miracle. Steve just can’t accept his mortality.”</p><p>Cal’s shoulders tensed and he turned to look Will in the eye, “You will not tell them anything. It is not our place to cause such disruption. Do you want to ruin what we have here?” Cal’s words hissed. The venom of his words stung Will. It would ruin everything. The people they called family, those they loved so dearly, fought for and protected. Their world as they knew it would crumble to dust if they knew what Cal and Will knew. Steve’s illness, alone, would cause huge ripples but everything they knew could rip Meyerism to shreds. Which wouldn’t be a problem if it wasn’t for some of the member's entire lives. Sarah, her parents, kids, and family, even him and Cal. Anyone born into the movement. This was all they had.</p><p>Will inhaled deeply and broke their stare, “I won’t tell them anything…” he looked out the window to some passing by. They looked in a waved. Smiles of the unknowing and blissfully ignorant.</p><p>“But we have to figure something out before they get too curious. If they don’t know exactly what’s going on, they’ll start assuming and that may be far worse for both of us than what’s really going on.”</p><p>Cal nodded, seeming to have acknowledged what he said. “I’ll call Silas. I was planning on going down soon,” he caught Will off guard with that.</p><p>“Again?”</p><p>“I’ll talk to Silas about what we should say. You can come too if you’d like,” his tone and eyes softened. Will quickly averted his gaze again. He shook his head.</p><p>“I don’t want to go down there again. I don’t want to see him.”</p><p>“You don’t want anyone else to hear you say that.”</p><p>“No one will know if you don’t say anything,” Will retorted. Cal sighed.</p><p>“Either way I’m going. I will talk to Silas. Maybe even call Bill and Felicia to see what can be done to ease their minds for a while longer.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Will mumbled, “Just tell me if they come up with anything.”</p><p>“Will, I know it’s a lot, but this is important. We are needed right now. More than ever. We have to help and lead everyone for Steve. I know you don’t like him, whatever, but at least be here for everyone else. Everyone who looks up to you and trusts you, Will.”  </p><p>“They’ve put their trust in liars.”</p><p>“The light will guide us. Even if Steve isn’t here in person to help. <em>We</em> can lead them into the light if you just trust me. Okay? I know it’s not fun to hide this but it’s necessary for the greater good. So just keep your mouth shut.”</p><p>Cal left to allow him to stew there in the chapel. Will looked out the window and light filter through the panes, onto his face. He closed his eyes and sighed. He prayed silently for the strength to continue.</p>
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